


Flat Penumbra

by MathIsMagic



Series: DoS: From the Forums [8]
Category: Dreaming of Sunshine, Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Aspec Nara Shikako, Crop Top Family, Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen - Freeform, F/F, F/M, FUCK DANZOU, Future Fic, Multi, Poor Sai, Queer Platonic Relationsip, Shikako is hokage, Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine Universe, because if I'm being self-indulgent why not go all the way, qpr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 12:45:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15863886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MathIsMagic/pseuds/MathIsMagic
Summary: Shikako is the first person to make Sai smile. Ino is the first person to make him blush.But Danzou. Danzou is the first person that makes him hate.XxXxXHow Root affects Sai and his family, long after his tormentor is gone.





	Flat Penumbra

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Frolic for giving me the idea for the title scheme.

_Flat \- An artistic shading style characterized by interruptions and sudden changes; contrast to Smooth shading, which is continuous, not harsh or disruptive._

_Penumbra \- Lighter part of a cast shadow between the darkest part of the shadow and the light. In art, the gradient shadow transitioning from darkness to light._

 

 

 

XxXxX

 

 _Shikako and Ino would have been Paired in Root,_ Sai realizes one day, watching the two spar.

 

Of course, the obvious Pairing would have been Shikako and Shikamaru. Twins are meant to be each other’s halves. They could have been trained in the same techniques, and their feelings for each other would have been natural. Killing your own twin would have been a powerful show of devotion.

 

But for all that, Shikako and Shikamaru really aren’t halves to a whole. They love and support each other, of course, but it’s Chouji who truly balances Shikamaru’s temperament. Just as Ino balances Shikako’s.

 

Once he sees it, he can’t unsee it. He begins to dream of their deaths, of their graduation exams, of them tearing each other apart in every gruesome, clever way he knows they’re capable of.

 

Each night, he jolts awake with visions of their demises still burned into his mind. His training keeps him from physically flinching upon awakening, so manages not to wake his Beloveds up. They’re both relaxed, and breathing, and _fine._ They are precious to each other, and would never willingly hurt each other. And, thanks to his own actions to help dismantle Root, they will never be _forced_ to hurt each other either. Reassured, he throws an arm over Shikako’s shoulder, tangling his hand into Ino’s hair, and curls in closer to them both.

 

Until one night, Shikako’s not there. He throws his senses out, and finds she’s not ~~alive~~ in the house anywhere. Terrified, he pulls Ino up into arms, asking where Shikako is in a hushed whisper. Voicing his fears any more loudly seems too much making them come true.

 

“Kako? Still at the tower, I think.” Ino murmurs sleepily, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. “Lots of work for the exams coming up.”

 

His heart skips a beat for a moment, before he realizes she means the _chunin_ exams Konoha will be hosting next month. Of course. As Hokage, Shikako has been more buried in work than ever. Just because she forcibly removed him from Anbu’s night shift to keep Ino company didn’t mean she always got to call it a night and come home.

 

All of that perfectly reasonable logic can’t quite shake off the vestiges of the night terror that had so recently held him captive. He lays back down with Ino, but fails to fall asleep as his mind conjures a series of awful fates that might be befalling Shikako in his absence.

 

Ino cracks an eye open to look up at him, no doubt aware of the tension in his body, wrapped up with him as she is.

 

“You know Shikako’s in good hands, right? Sasuke’s in charge of the night guard, and he’d never let anything happen to her.”

 

“Of course,” he replies, trying to give her an honest smile. She’s right, after all. He knows he’s the one being foolish, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

 

She seems unconvinced, shaking her sleepiness off rather than falling back asleep as he had hoped. She gives him a thoughtful look.

 

“You know, it’s far too late for Shikako to still be in the office. It’s not healthy for our Hokage to be so overworked. It’s our duty as loyal shinobi to go help Sasuke get her to bed.”

 

“Of course,” he says, desperately relieved for Ino’s permission and excuse to go check on their missing third.

 

“New rule,” Ino declares later, after they’ve pried Shikako away from a stack of registrant applications. “Unless it’s an emergency or you’re on a mission, everyone has to be home and in bed by two.”

 

“I’m the Hokage, you can’t order me around,” Shikako grumbles from where she’s curled safely into Sai’s side.

 

“She’s our wife,” Sai reminds her in what he hopes is a cheerful tone, “we have to do what she says.”

 

“Exactly. And tonight I say, no more fighting. Just sleeping.”

 

Sai, with his Beloveds tangled safely and happily in each other’s arms, is more than happy to comply.

 

XxXxX

 

Sai has never tried to Draw a baby before.

 

As a rule, Sai doesn’t Draw people. In fact, he rarely even draws people, a few portraits of his Beloveds and his little sketchbook tribute to Shin being the only exceptions. Sai’s art is simply too personal and too violent to mix up with the precious people on his life.

 

But, this is too important to be left to chance. Sai needs training. So he Draws the baby.

 

The little ink Gollum isn’t nearly as similar to the babies he’s seen around the village as he had hoped. Those babies squirmed, and cried, and had all sorts of weak, vulnerable bits that would make any of Sai’s other creations useless. Sai’s Gollum is a hard, still thing.

 

It’s not so surprising – he had never practiced Drawing a baby before, never studied them closely to get that life-like understanding that he had with many of his favorite battle creatures – but it is frustrating. He needs to understand how babies work to properly Draw them, but the whole point of Drawing one is to learn how to handle one.

 

Disappointed, but determined, Sai scoops up the child facsimile anyways.

 

The thing sits awkwardly in his arms. Unfortunately, he can’t tell how much of that awkwardness is from his creation’s failings, and how much is from his own inexperience. Other than admonishments to carefully support for the head, and some suggested burping positions, the texts Sai had been researching gave very little advice on how to hold the child. They implied things would make sense once a child was in his arms, so certainly something should click? Babies are supposed to fit into their parents’ arms – even untrained civilians manage to hold them well.

 

He shifts the thing, trying to see if there is some position that feels more natural. But perhaps that is the problem. What about Sai, about his Drawings, is natural? After all these years, he barely knows how to take care of his capable, patient Beloveds. How is he supposed to care for a child, and with only a few months’ preparation?

 

Sai is well trained in controlling his emotions, so he definitely does not panic, when he thinks such things. It’s simply that his heart races, and his palms become a little clammy. Such things aren’t emotional failings, they’re inherent physiological responses to elevated adrenalin levels; a completely normal, unemotional fight-or-flight response to the biological imperatives parenthood commands.

He tries a different position, holding the child facsimile up to his chest and bouncing it a little, like he’s seen parents do to calm their children down. The unmoving thing doesn’t fit well against his chest. It feels wrong. He is wrong.

 

“Well, that’s one way to practice, I suppose.”

 

Sai flinches so violently at Shikako’s sudden presence, that he drops the ink-child. It splatters on the ground with a squelch. He stares, horrified for a moment at what would have happened if that had been a real child. Then, he whirls around to face Shikako. She is a master of the Cat’s Paw Step, as well as of chakra suppression; he had not even realized she had come home.

 

He _knows_ his Hokage sees him as a precious person, not a tool. She would never discard him like a chipped blade, as Danzou would. He _knows_ Shikako is one of his Beloveds, and that she would not forsake him for honest imperfections. But still, there is a flare of emotion in his chest that is definitely not fear, because Sai was taught better than to fear the consequences of his failings.

 

“I didn’t expect you home so soon. Usually someone has to force you to come home because it’s gotten too late,” he very carefully doesn’t wince. An admission that he was intentionally hiding this from her is the exact opposite of the excuse he had meant to give. He quickly shuts his mouth, not willing to chance what else might come out of it.

 

_I’m not incompetent. I know how to do this. I’ll learn, at least. Just, don’t be disappointed in me._

 

Shikako doesn’t so much as glance at the ink-child’s remains as smiles at him. “Yeah, well, Ino threatened that I had to be home at a reasonable hour while she was gone this week. You know how she pouts when we leave each other alone too much.”

 

“I am indeed familiar with her displeased expressions. It is more efficient to avoid those states, when possible.”

 

Shikako nods, but her contemplative gaze bores into him. Sai feels his smile falter.

 

“You know, Sasuke has actually collected a lot of childcare techniques with his Sharingan. If you want someone that can break down the technicalities of it. He’s such a mother hen, he’s always happy to share ‘proper’ child rearing techniques with his friends.”

 

“…I will keep your advisement of my comrade’s skillset in mind.”

 

Shikako’s slight smile returns at his words.

 

“See that you do.” She crosses the distance between them, and pulls him into a tight hug. “Now, as long I’m here, I might as well be productive and catch up on some sleep.”

 

In response, Sai simply wraps his arms tightly around her to return the embrace. His earlier physiological responses have abated, his heartbeat slowing to keep time with hers. After a steadying moment, he hitches her up so their mutual embrace turns into him holding her up. She wraps her legs around his waist, acquiescing to him to carrying her up the stairs to their room.

 

Holding her, at least, still feels right.

 

\---

 

“You’ve been reassigned.”

 

Sai can only blink at the mission scroll Cat is holding out to him.

 

Reassigned? Now, of all times? With Naruto out of the village, and Sasuke on paternity leave, and Ino about to take maternity leave? He can’t be reassigned now. Someone has to be in the Tower for Shikako.

 

“It’s only temporary. Some trial program the Hokage wants to try out. With more and more jounin being non-clan shinobi, the daycare is responsible for more and more high-profile targets. She wants to increase the security in our childcare system and relieve the pressure on some of the caretakers by rotating high-level ninja in as undercover assistants. You’re one of her most skilled, most trusted shinobi, so she wanted you to be the first guinea pig.”

 

He doesn’t believe that Shikako is mocking him, but this whole situation can’t help but remind him of the games Danzou used to play. Is this a test, to see if he really is too incompetent to be given care of their child? Or is he meant to prove himself?

 

Admitting he is incapable is probably the worst possible response, but Sai has too much honor as Konoha shinobi to risk her precious children over his own standing, so he offers the truth.

 

“I have no experience caring for anyone below genin rank. I don’t have the training for this sort of assignment.”

 

“That’s all part of the program. The other caretakers will train you – you’ll probably be an expert by the time the trial ends in three months.”

 

Not a test then.

 

A gift.

 

“Understood, Cat. Please inform the Hokage that I am honored to accept this new mission.”

 

Three months later, Shikako holds an exhausted Ino in her arms and strokes her hair. Sakura gently hands Sai is newborn daughter. He finds that Inoue fits just perfectly into the crook of his arms.

 

XxXxX

 

Shikako is the first person to make Sai smile. Ino is the first person to make him blush. But Danzou. Danzou is the first person that makes him hate.

 

It doesn’t happen when Sai realizes that Root, that Danzou is wrong. It doesn’t happen when Sai gives his loyalty to Team Seven, and realizes that Danzou is targeting his precious people. It doesn’t even happen when Sai realizes he had been betrayed and used, when he learns that he lost his brother and his childhood for nothing.

 

No, Sai doesn’t begin to hate Danzou until long after the man’s death, a few months after his second child has been born.

 

Last night, her three parents had discussed it, and Inoue was deemed responsible enough, under careful supervision, to hold her new baby brother. So here Sai was today, surrounding his daughter with pillows and thoroughly explaining to her how carefully she needed to hold the baby. She dutifully listened to his over-explanation, never once showing her impatience to get on with it, and finally, Sai was confident enough to place little Shin in her arms.

 

“Hello Shin!” she murmured, only a touch too loudly in her excitement, to her little brother. “I’m your big sister Inoue! I’m going to love you, and take care of you, and teach you how to draw, and one day we’re gonna be awesome partners like Mommy and Momma and Daddy are!”

 

Something in that perfect picture, in Inoue’s excited promises, catches on Sai’s brain and another set of perfectly paired siblings flashed into his brain.

 

_As a final test of your proficiency as a shinobi, you must kill your brother, and prove you have killed your heart…_

 

Sai _moves_ without thinking, and suddenly he has Shin in his arms halfway across the room from Inoue. He can only watch blankly as his daughter’s face morphs from surprise, to confusion, and finally to hurt.

 

_She’s hurt, who hurt her, this is why the children can’t be together, because then they have to hurt each other-_

“Did I do something wrong, Daddy?” Inoue’s breath hitches, and her eyes water. “I didn’t mean to hurt him! I was being careful to hold him like you said!”

 

Sniffles turn to real tears, and Sai is finally knocked from his panic far, far too late. He quickly – but carefully – makes his way back over to his daughter. He gently shifts Shin into one arm, then pulls Inoue in tightly with his other.

 

“No, Little Flower. You were fine. I just saw something from a bad angle and overreacted. Don’t cry, my sweet Marigold.”

 

Inoue’s sniffles slowly shudder to a stop. Sai sits back on the couch and pulls her into his lap. Shin seems to be completely undisturbed by the emotional upheaval around him (“He’s so easy going, just like his other Momma!” “Genetics don’t work like that, Ino.” “Hush, Dearest. Where else could he have gotten it from? Not me or Sai.”) so he helps Inoue try again to hold him.

 

It’s better this time. Having Inoue wrapped safely in his arms grounds Sai enough that he does not flash back again. They’re a sweet picture, he’s sure, his sweet little Marigold cooing happily as she holds her baby brother for the first time.

 

Their happiness only stokes the embers of fury in Sai’s chest. This should be a pure moment, a happy one, but Sai ruined it. He’s furious at himself for it. More than that, though, he’s furious at Danzou. Ino and Shikako have taught him a lot about about what that man had done to him, and why he can take much of the blame for some of Sai’s misbehavior – this instance included.

 

It’s Danzou who broke Sai. Danzou who made him associate love and companionship with death and pain. It’s Danzou’s fault that Sai can’t look at his children together without fear. It’s Danzou’s fault that he will always be an inadequate father. It’s Danzou’s fault that Inoue’s eyes are red-rimmed from crying the first time she really holds her brother.

 

And Sai hates that.

 

Now that Sai is allowed to feel, he tries to hold onto positive emotions more than negative ones. Shin’s death, Sai’s own abuse, his teammate’s suffering at Danzou’s hands… all of those terrible memories, and Sai could only manage to feel sadness or contempt when he thought of the twisted man who had raised him.

 

But now, Danzou has reached beyond the grave. He has hurt Sai’s daughter, and tainted his views on his children’s love. And for his children, Sai finds for the first time, he can _hate._

**Author's Note:**

> Marigolds have lots of meanings and associations in different cultures, though they’re all mostly positive. The ones I think Sai would think of would include:
> 
> -The beauty and warmth of the rising sun  
> -winning the affections of someone through hard work  
> -creativity and drive to succeed  
> -remembering and celebrating the dead  
> -promoting cheer and good relations in a relationship  
> -encouraging someone to reach their potential  
> -optimism for the future
> 
> Also, one ironic reading of the marigold that I just adored, given my resolution to this OT3– expressing jealousy when trapped in a love triangle.


End file.
